- (443) 681-9311
- Baltimore, Maryland
For many of the people I work with, the problem isn't a lack of insight. You may already understand why you do what you do. You may be highly attuned to other people, thoughtful about your choices, and very good at anticipating what could go wrong. But somewhere along the way, your life may have become organized around avoiding discomfort, keeping other people happy, meeting expectations, or doing things "the right way."
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a mindfulness-based approach that helps you develop greater psychological flexibility: the ability to stay present with what is happening inside you while making choices that are guided by what matters to you.
At the heart of ACT is a simple but sometimes challenging idea: you don’t have to get rid of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings in order to live a meaningful life.
ACT offers another possibility.
Instead of asking, How can I make this feeling go away? we can begin asking:
Steven C. Hayes, one of the founders of ACT, describes values this way:
“Values are like a compass. They point you in the direction of the life you want to live.”
Values aren’t goals that you eventually check off a list. They’re ongoing directions—ways of being that can help you make decisions when there isn’t a clear or easy answer.
This can be especially meaningful if you’ve spent a lot of your life orienting around what other people need, what is expected of you, or what will keep you safe. Sometimes, when you’ve become very good at being who everyone else needs you to be, it can be surprisingly difficult to answer a simpler question:
What do I actually want my life to be about?
Together, we can make space to explore that question without assuming there is one right answer.
ACT doesn’t ask you to like difficult feelings, resign yourself to things you want to change, or simply “accept” whatever happens to you.
Instead, acceptance means learning to make room for your actual experience—thoughts, emotions, sensations, uncertainty and all—without allowing the struggle against that experience to determine the shape of your life.
Sometimes that means noticing the urge to people-please and choosing honesty instead.
Sometimes it means allowing yourself to disappoint someone without immediately rushing to repair their feelings.
Sometimes it means taking a meaningful risk while your mind is still offering you every reason not to.
The work isn’t about becoming fearless or perfectly regulated.
It’s about becoming more able to choose.
Psychological flexibility creates room for something I care deeply about in therapy: a more trusting relationship with yourself.
Rather than constantly asking whether you’re doing enough, doing it right, or making everyone else okay, you can begin to notice what is happening inside you, understand what matters, and make choices that are more aligned with the person you want to be.
For me, ACT is not about giving you a set of rules for how to live.
It’s about helping you become more connected to your own compass—and more willing to follow it.
